


Leap of Faith

by tailsbeth



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Islamophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 17:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15667863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tailsbeth/pseuds/tailsbeth
Summary: When the online world meets reality, a friendship turns into something a lot more intense. But with real life comes a lot more obstacles and grey areas.[The AU where Noora doesn’t move to Oslo until season 2 but set in autumn cause there’s more excuse for cuddles then. There’s a mish mash of references to actual scenes here so be on the lookout.]





	Leap of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for the Skam Reverse Bang, check out the video by the amazing Fanni that inspired this fic - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGJbc-yFFoU&feature=youtu.be
> 
> If you wanna chat, find me on tumblr @tailsbeth-writes :)

21/10/2015

_noorasaidso: how long have we been friends?_

_therealsana: 1.5 years_

_therealsana: I think_

_noorasaidso: wow, it feels longer!_

_therealsana: I know. I wish we could meet in person_

_noorasaidso: maybe we will_

_noorasaidso: soon_

_therealsana: ??_

_[noorasaidso has gone offline]_

_therealsana: Noora what do you mean?_

 

Leaves crisped up, piling on the pavement where Sana walked. Her brow narrowed as she stared at her phone. Noora’s message was on the screen. As the tram arrived, Sana walked on barely thinking, it was muscle memory. Sana’s eyes didn’t leave the screen. What did Noora mean? She wasn’t one to leave a conversation suddenly.

Before Sana knew it, her stop had arrived. She blinked as she finally looked away from the screen and dashed off the tram in a hurry. She stumbled a little in her steps, gazing off into the distance. Nissen could be seen glazed in the October sun. Sana couldn’t help but smile at how beautiful the day was. A little hotter than expected in October but not unpleasant. Sana searched the courtyard as she reached the gate.

‘Sana!’ A familiar call harked from her left, she turned to see the girls huddled together in collective autumnal scarves.

‘Sana, are you in for a penetrators’ party this weekend?’ Eva asked with a giddy grin.

‘What party?’

‘So there’s going to be a hook up auction and-’ Vilde blurted.

‘Please stop before you finish that sentence. You’re far too predictable Vilde.’ Sana huffed as Vilde stared back at her, open mouthed. Eva and Chris let out nervous laughs.

‘She has a point Vilde, it’s been months since you and William hooked up so it’s safe to say nothing’s happening there…’ Chris concluded as Vilde nodded obediently, folding her arms over her chest.

‘Still, it will be a laugh. You in?’ Eva asked yet again.

‘Yeah sure.’ Sana answered lightly to a mild squeal from Eva and Vilde. She looked back at her phone again, listening to the girls make plans for the weekend but not entirely focusing on the present. Noora wasn’t the cryptic type, or at least only when she sent Sana pieces of poetry she didn’t quite understand. Sana didn’t mind though because it sounded beautiful even if it didn’t make a lot of sense to her. She was just thankful Noora had thought of her to send it to.

‘Sana, hello?’ Chris waved a hand in front of Sana’s dazed face.

‘Sorry, what is it?’

‘We’re just saying we can get ready at Eva’s before if you want to come too?’ Vilde asked, a smile back on her face. Sana just nodded with a forced smile before checking the time.

‘Chris, we better head to Norwegian. You don’t want to be late again.’ She pointed out with a smirk. Chris cursed under her breath and picked up her bag from her feet.

‘Off to the torture chamber then!’

Eva and Vilde laughed and waved as the pair left them for class. Chris elbowed Sana in the side as they walked side by side.

‘What was that for?’

‘Just making sure you’re with us. What’s got you distracted?’

Sana twisted her mouth a little, hoping to keep her secrets inside. She thought she’d been slyer, Noora’s mystic message had really got under her skin.

‘Nothing, my mum was ranting at me a bit this morning and I guess it’s just stuck in my head still.’ She lied, swallowing hard. Swallowing down every last detail about her secret internet friendship. Although she couldn’t be sure why. Chris was her friend, a safe space to talk about anything.

‘That’s shit. She still not on board with Russ?’

‘Sometimes I feel she’s not on board with Norway. But that’s maybe a little harsh.’ Sana rolled her eyes, that part was most certainly true. They walked into class, shuffling between the desks to get to theirs. There was a spare seat at the end of their table as usual, Sana placed her bag down to fill it. More of their class mates hurried in and settled as class began. Their teacher started by asking about the homework, Sana writing answers down to help Chris as usual. She knew Chris was bright but school work wasn’t her forte. She caught herself looking out the window, distracted by the trees = dressed in orange and the sunlight glistening through their leaves.

 

01/08/2015

_therealsana: is it warm there? The sun looks so nice today_

_noorasaidso: it’s gorgeous. I have to be careful, I burn so easily_

_noorasaidso: what are you doing with your sunny day?_

_therealsana: might meet Chris later for ice cream. Not sure_

_therealsana: you??_

_noorasaidso: I need to go shopping. My flatmates are eating all my food :(_

_noorasaidso: wish I could spend my day with you_

_noorasaidso: ice cream sounds nice._

_therealsana: Madrid sounds nicer I think._

_noorasaidso: you should visit, I could take you around my favourite places_

_noorasaidso: there are so many beautiful things I want you to see_

_therealsana: and we’d go for ice cream too right?_

_noorasaidso: it’s a date_

_therealsana: :)_

_noorasaidso: need to get going to the market, speak later?_

_therealsana: of course <3_

_noorasaidso: <3 _

 

23/10/2015

The dining hall was packed with sound, everybody grouping together and discussing plans for the upcoming weekend. Sana took bites from a sandwich whilst reading a biology textbook. She was always here first; the girls were spread out throughout the building. A scuffle of the chair opposite her perked up her ears, her eyes still focused on the paragraph she was reading.

‘You’re quick today, makes a nice change.’

‘Oh really?’ A voice quipped back, a voice Sana only vaguely recognised. She’d never heard it so clearly. She looked up from her book to see a girl who’d only ever appeared on a screen. Noora.

Sana froze, blinking over and over. Noora’s red lips curled into a smile, her light blonde hair neatly framing her face. Just like in all her photos.

‘Noora, what are you doing here?’ Sana managed to spit the words out as she placed down her things.

‘I needed a change of scenery I guess. Someone said Oslo was nice.’

‘This is crazy. I can’t believe you’re actually here in front of me.’

Noora laughed, just nodding.

‘Yup. Pretty crazy. I can’t quite believe it either, I could reach out and touch you if I wanted.’

Sana couldn’t help but stare at Noora’s hands which lay on the table, peeking out of a grey coat.

‘Sorry I left you hanging, moving has been a little chaotic and-’

‘Sana, who’s this?’ Chris asked curiously as she and the other girls finally arrived. Sana’s eyes stretched wide, Noora mirroring her.

‘This is Noora, she’s just moved here. We actually met at a summer camp when we were kids, crazy world right?’

‘Wow, that’s so lovely!’ Vilde commented rather loudly,

‘I’m Vilde, this is Chris and Eva.’ Chris gave a slight wave, a spoon already occupying her mouth.

‘Where did you move from?’ Eva asked as she got comfortable in the seat next to Noora. Sana felt like she was watching the scene play out from outside her body. Her friends interacting with Noora felt abnormal, like two worlds colliding that shouldn’t.

‘Why would you move from Madrid? Isn’t it much nicer there?’ Vilde asked in shock.

Sana could feel her chest tightening ever so slightly. Noora was _her_ friend. The world she had created online was this thing just for them, somewhere anything was possible for Sana. Now it was dissolving before her very eyes.

‘I’m going to grab a water, anybody need anything?’ Sana spurted out, she needed to escape. The girls shook their head and Sana quickly left the table. The sound around her was blurred, people becoming mild shapes she had to avoid. She got to the counter, grabbing a water and waiting in line. A hand fell on her shoulder, making her jump back into reality.

‘Are you okay?’

She turned to see Noora stood with pleading eyes.

‘I just don’t know how to handle this situation. The stuff we spoke about… They know nothing of that Noora.’

‘I figured when you lied.’

Sana dipped her eyes to her feet in guilt.

‘I get it though, the whole religious aspect complicates things.’ Noora added in an almost whisper. Sana knew she meant well but the words couldn’t help but irk her.

‘Noora, you really don’t get it. You’ve not lived with your parents for how long now? You have probably more freedom to live as you choose than most teenagers. I have my faith and my god and my family and society all telling me different things. You really do not get it.’

Sana walked off leaving the bottle behind, Noora calling for her. She paced out of the hall, searching for a private spot. Tears bit at her eyes. Words filled her ears that she wished she could say out loud.

_I like boys. I like girls. I really like a certain girl._

20/02/2015

_noorasaidso: sana are you ok?_

_noorasaidso: I just saw the comments on your post_

_noorasaidso: I can’t believe people still say those things_

_therealsana: I’m fine_

_therealsana: I’m used to it by now_

_noorasaidso: I wish you weren’t_

_therealsana: I dunno, I think I feel numb to it now, if that makes sense?_

_therealsana: like online, its not as bad and its easy to forget_

_therealsana: real life is where it hurts, theres no screen for them to hide behind_

_therealsana: or for me to hide behind even_

_therealsana: so you know they really are that hateful_

_noorasaidso: I thought Norway was a bit more progressive_

_noorasaidso: I’m so sorry sana <3_

_therealsana: why are you sorry? Its not your fault_

_noorasaidso: I just wish there was something I could do_

_therealsana: just you being here is enough_

_noorasaidso: I wish I could hug you right now_

_noorasaidso: make the sadness leave you, just for a moment_

_therealsana: <3 _

 

23/10/2015

Noora stumbled a little into the unfamiliar home, following Vilde. A clinking sound rang in her ears as Chris came in behind her, beer bottles in tow. They shuffled their shoes off and made their way down stairs. Noora looked around, the home was modern and definitely belonged to someone well off. Much nicer than her old Spanish digs anyway.

‘Hey gurls!’ Eva greeted them all with a hug, Noora awkwardly falling into the middle. Her face landed on Eva’s neck, just for a moment. Her skin was warm to the touch.

‘You’ve started drinking already?’ Chris asked, cracking open a beer of her own. She tried to pass one to Noora but she shook her head.

‘I don’t drink, thanks though,’ she said in her usual polite tone. The girls held their stare on her for a second too long, bewildered. Eva sprang into action, as to not be a rude host.

‘I can grab you a water or juice? I think there’s orange juice in the fridge.’

‘Either works, thanks.’ Noora replied, her cheeks feeling a little rosy. They made themselves comfortable on the bed while Eva headed upstairs.

‘I heard Jonas is going tonight with his new girlfriend, some third year girl.’ Vilde tried to whisper. Chris raised her eyebrows.

‘Really? That might be trouble.’

‘Erm sorry, who’s Jonas?’ Noora interjected.

‘He’s Eva’s ex.’

‘Oh right.’ Noora sat quiet after that, the girls gossiping about people she didn’t know. Guilt sat in her throat, twisting away. Eva had stuck with her for the rest of the day when Sana left at lunch. Sana was still giving her the silent treatment and she deserved it. She felt bad laughing with Eva, saving her in Spanish class and walking her to the tram. They had spent an afternoon together and Eva had a hook in Noora’s mind.

‘Here you go.’ Eva appeared with a glass of orange juice in her hand. Noora thanked her with a smile, looking into her eyes, looking for something, unsure what exactly. Just something. Eva sat over at her mirror, applying mascara vicariously. Noora checked her phone, hoping to see Sana’s name pop up.

_noorasaidso: are you coming tonight? I’ve been invited to eva’s, not sure if I’m going to this party though. Sounds a bit too vulgar for me_

_noorasaidso: please come, I need protection from your crazy friends aha_

_noorasaidso: I’m so sorry about what I said. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you_

_noorasaidso: I’m here for you. Always <3_

Still nothing appeared though.

‘Noora, you’re so pretty. I love your lipstick!’ Eva called from her mirror.

‘Thank you, I can’t even remember where it’s from. I’ve been wearing it forever.’ Noora pulled out the lipstick from her bag, the brand long worn away.

‘Could I borrow it? I can’t decide on a lipstick.’

‘Sure. It can stain so be careful.’ She passed her the lipstick, their fingers touching. Again, Noora got that tingle as their skin touched.

‘Could you put it on for me then? I’m a little drunk already,’ she giggled and Noora grinned at the tipsy girl. Noora had to stop denying herself, this girl was gorgeous. She nodded at Eva and they sat in front of each other, Eva hovering her face forward. She puckered her lips slightly and Noora applied the red lipstick over Eva’s lips. She tried to be gentle, Eva’s eyes followed her concentration around her mouth.

‘All done. You’ll need to blot.’

Eva looked around for something, her mouth still hanging a little open.

‘Oh just use the back of my hand.’ Noora suggested quickly, pushing her hand in front of Eva. Eva kissed her hand, looking her directly in the eyes. Eva knew what she was doing, there was meaning there and Noora inhaled it.

‘We haven’t got out and Eva’s already got action!’ Chris roared as Vilde laughed at far too loud a volume. Noora felt a blush as dark as her lipstick push to her face. She quickly vacated to the bathroom they’d passed upstairs. She checked her phone again, hoping for anything that could get her mind set straight. She came back to Norway for one reason and one reason only. She couldn’t get distracted by pretty girls who kiss her hand with her favourite lipstick.

_therealsana: <3 _

_therealsana: I’m just a bit all over the place_

_therealsana: you gave me no warning noora and that’s not fair_

_noorasaidso: I know, I messed up._

_noorasaidso: come to the party and we can talk?_

Noora held her breath waiting for the reply. She just needed a chance to explain herself. Explain why she really moved back.

 

26/11/2014

_therealsana: how did you know?_

_noorasaidso: it sounds cliché but it was the butterfly feeling you get in your stomach. Or like when a beautiful girl would look me in the eyes and I’d feel like a spark. I think it’s a total gut feeling. Was for me anyway_

_therealsana: do you like boys too? Or just girls?_

_therealsana: just say if you’re not comfortable answering_

_therealsana: sorry I’m being super nosey_

_noorasaidso: I don’t mind at all sana. I trust you <3_

_noorasaidso: I’m not sure. I think I like girls most but the occasional boy might get to me but that’s usually after I get to know them rather than their looks. Whereas a pretty girl can stop me in my tracks, you know?_

_therealsana: yeah I understand that_

_therealsana: I kind of block out those feelings but I know they’re for both boys and girls_

_therealsana: nothing about me is encouraged by my faith though. Or at least not where I am_

_therealsana: and I’m conflicted. I could just be straight and go on my path as I’m supposed to_

_noorasaidso: but what if that’s not actually your path?_

_noorasaidso: if you’re not truly being yourself, you can’t be on your own path, you’re just using someone else’s surely_

_therealsana: I don’t think I really have a choice noora_

_noorasaidso: you always have a choice sana_

 

23/10/2015

Sana stood outside the building which was thumping with music. Drunk teenagers huddled together in the cold night, their party dresses covered by thick coats. Sana could see her breath hanging in the air, she’d been stood there five minutes, but it felt like time was standing still. She knew Noora was inside, she wasn’t entirely sure why she was here though. An explanation maybe.

She took one last deep breath and finally edged forward and up the steps into the building. It was loud, excruciatingly so. She read over the last message Noora sent her.

_therealsana: where are you?_

_noorasaidso: at the bar with eva. I’ll try and stay here_

Sana pushed her way through her classmates, some who she vaguely recognised. The lights were dim, creating shadows over everyone’s faces. It looked like everyone was wearing a mask, Sana imagined a world where she could possibly take off hers.

She could tell she was getting closer as people walked towards her with drinks in their hands. It was lighter back here; a stall had been set up for people to put their bids in. Sana rolled her eyes; the penetrators were truly vulgar but at least their parties gave the girls something to do. The bar was finally in her sight, she recognised Eva’s long hair and a silver cap she had seen Chris wear one time. Noora stood with her, holding her up slightly with one hand. She was laughing, Eva would not stop staggering around. She lurched forward, and Sana clicked what was going on. She couldn’t watch anymore and ran out of the hall. The cold air hit her just as the tears did.

‘Sana! Wait up! You came!’

She turned around to see Noora, in a crisp white shirt and high waisted jeans plus the grey jacket from earlier.

‘Something’s going on with you and Eva, right?’ Sana snapped at Noora, everything was building up inside of her and finally escaping like lava.

‘No, you’ve got it wrong. She’s just very very drunk, I’ve been making sure she didn’t get into trouble.’ Noora stepped closer but Sana backed away.

‘I’m not stupid Noora.’

‘I know you’re not. Yet you still haven’t figured out why I’m here.’

Sana nibbled at her lip. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach properly. She let herself feel them. Noora stepped closer again, this time Sana didn’t move.

‘I know you’ve got so much to figure Sana and I know I will never really be able to understand what you’re going through but… but I’m willing to wait for you. I mean moved here just to be with you.’

Sana could feel a smile coming to her lips.

‘I like you Sana Bakkoush. Like a lot. Is that okay with you?’ Noora asked, raising an eyebrow. Sana nodded. She held out her hand, she could feel herself shaking slightly.

‘I like you too. Like a lot, a lot.’

Noora looked down at Sana’s hand, hesitating for a moment.

‘Is this you taking your own path?’

Sana nodded with a grin. Noora took her hand, smoothing over her fingers in a soft grip.

‘I’ve decided to take a leap of faith.’


End file.
